37 years around the sun
So im now championing 37 years around the sun and boy does it feel good to be alive.
I actually really adore my birthdays, regardless of how they turn out!
Last year I wanted board games and raw desserts with my supportive family and friends.
Some years I have been working.
Others I have been in complete breakdown from traumatic circumstances.
This year has been a beautiful spectrum of joy, adoration, celebration and sadness.
I was reminded of my Birthday 4 year ago by Facebook at my old property.
This time 4 years ago, I lived in a house with 4 acres that I had purchased with an ex-partner on the Internet.
We build the house from the ground up.
And then after close to 9 years my relationship abruptly ending in traumatic circumstances.
We parted in a difficult divorce, which lasted 2 years, and saw me operating in pure survival mode.
Fast forward to now and I had to walk away from my home & all that was in it, my future dreams, my career at the time & my ex partner.
Does this mean that I am ungrateful for where I am now?
No… Of course it doesn’t I am grateful beyond measure and have an incredible, caring, supportive, kind and doting partner.
I am so humbled by the lessons I’ve learned, through the inner strength i have obtained, in fact .My divorce was instrumental to the inner work and emotional mastery I discovered on this journey
But I a human & with that comes somatic memories that live in my cells and sometimes we are reminded that their is more constriction in the body, more frozen tension that wants to be released so free flow and healing can occur.
So, as i sit here now in this cafe alone, drinking red wine. I realise that I am in awe of how I can go from joy to pain in such a short time span and I am so fucking thankful that I do FEEL so deeply.
I am sovereign and I choose to be alone in this moment to process and FEEL.
I thank my partner for granting me this freedom and space.
The common ground here is I endeavour to remove expectation of how birthdays should look and be & surrender to what is.
I have learned to embrace my looks, particularly any physical signs of ageing that are appearing ( work in progress)
Knowing that my body and face are the canvas across which my wisdom & embodied experience slowly emerge.
From my silver sparkles
To my changing body shape
And my laughter lines
Each one is an initiation calling deeper into acceptance and another phase of my inner wise-woman
“Our Feminine rhythms are the powerful tides that move a woman’s body and inner world throughout all the sacred stages of womanhood. From the wild waves of menarche, the creative juice of our reproductive years the intimate rhythms of motherhood and crone they each hold potent wisdom.” Adapted from Indigo Enemark
On a brighter note:
I was taken on a surprise trip to a Daylesford by my darling King squirrel, to stay in a deluxe villa for the weekend.
I have wandered through edible food gardens
Drank tonic elixirs.
I have bought presents for loved ones.
I have bought presents for my self.
I have perused my favourite shops.
I have hugged trees.
I have soaked in the morning and afternoon sun.
I have been spoiled with gifts & LOVE from my darling beloved.
I have drunk organic red wine in spa baths
I have curled up & snuggled my lover by the fire.
Had a TCM cupping treatment
Watched the birdies sing melodies in the grand mountain ash
Cooked some amazing healthy breakfast, which i was fortunate enough to eat in the nature
I have to thank my darling lover for arranging such a special weekend and doting on my little soul
This year has been a journey of coming home to myself deeper.
I have become more intimate with my womb
I became an Auntie to the most incredible nephew, who lights up my soul
I have connected more to sisterhood
I have felt unwavering strength for myself
I have learned ALOT about online business & social media
I have cultivated a rich relationship with my feminine essence, which is in balance with my inner masculine energy.
I feel sexy, playful and sensual, and this radiates in my inner and outer landscapes.
I am gaining greater harmony with my menstrual cycle
And am using my sexual energy as a source of creativity, power and healing
I am also calling in….
More sisterhood, friendship, intimacy, (non sexual), sleepovers, general community LOVE VIBEZ
Dropping deeper in to my business and offering my gifts to sisters who will value what i have to share
Becoming sovereign & self sustainable in my business and eventually phasing out all other work that is not my Souls calling
More love, appreciation, intimacy, gratitude & compassion for my beloved
More connection, deepness and authenticity with my family
More pleasure, abundance and flow….
May 37 Fill my cup and allow me to continue to learn valuable lessons through its richness and diversity
I welcome the shadow & the light
The ecstacy and the pain….
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I choose to go through the muddy waters, not avoid them.
IMMENSE GRATITUDE FOR THIS SPECTRUM OF A LIFE THAT I HAVE LIVED THUS FAR…